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Husband needs a brain lift

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LovelyLynn
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Join date : 2017-04-23
Location : USA

Husband needs a brain lift

Post by LovelyLynn on Tue Apr 25, 2017 4:52 pm

I am really disgusted with the hubby. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even still married to this man. Oh wait, because without me he'd most likely wind up living in a gutter that's why.
We've been married for almost 15 years and in those 15 years he's been out of work for 12! That's right, he refuses to work, just sits around the house and lets me support him. Why does he not work you ask? Surely he must be on disability or have some illness that prevents him from supporting his wife and children right?
Well, does laziness, stupidity, and being a fat ass count as a disability?
When we first met he was working, making some damn good money, we had an apartment, small but it worked for just the two of us. Our first child came along and things changed. He would never really help out with the baby, I worked 1st shift and he worked 2nd shift but I would have to drop her off at a babysitter when I went to work in the morning because he refused to get out of bed to watch her. He came home at night and would plop himself down in front of the TV and expect me to make him dinner. He wouldn't offer to help with the baby at all, he'd just had a long hard night at work so no way could he do anything around the house. Forget the fact that I had worked all morning then been with the baby all evening and needed a break.
By the time our second child came around things didn't get much better. He'd gotten fired for excessive call offs and it was around that time that he decided work wasn't for him and why should he have to work when he had a wife at home that would pay all the bills, cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Our bills were getting behind while I was on maternity leave and I urged him to start looking for another job but he told me instead that I had to go back to work before my maternity leave was up even though I'd just had a c-section because he was not going to get a job any time soon.
So now 15 years later years later here I am and basically complaining about the same old stuff but not knowing what to do about any of it.
I'd saved up enough money for a down payment on a nice little house with enough rooms that each of the kids could have their own. It's not a fancy house but it's nice and in a good neighborhood. I didn't plan with my husband to buy it and in fact never discussed purchasing the house with him. After the sale was final I informed him of my plan to take the kids and move out of the apartment and into the new house and I suppose he took that to mean that he was supposed to come along as well. There was never any questions of if I was leaving him or what was he supposed to do, he just assumed that he was part of this arrangement and I really didn't know what to say to him. On one hand he's the father of my kids and I must have cared about him at one point, I married him after all. I didn't want him to end up on the streets or dead or whatever and in fact I do like having him around at times, I just wish he would do more. Actually, I wish he would do something, anything, except continue t live off of me and be content at having me support him.
I don't think I would mind so much really if I worked all day long then came home to a clean house, a hot meal, kids taken care of, laundry done and all the things that a wife normally does. Hell, if he wants to be the house wife more power to him. The problem is that he doesn't do any of that. I work then come home to a filthy house and have to clean up after him and the kids, then cook dinner for them, make sure home work gets done, clothes are clean, and ready for the next day while he sits in front of the TV or sleeps all day. It's exhausting but when I try to explain to him why I'm upset and what I would like for him to be doing, he looks at me like I'm insane and speaking some language he doesn't understand.
I don't really even consider this a marriage anymore. We barely speak to each other, we sleep in separate rooms. I don't do his laundry anymore. He can either wash his own clothes or wear dirty ones, but I do have to clean his room and around his chair in the living room because he wont empty his trash can or ash tray and he won't take his dishes out when he's done. If I didn't clean it all up then it would just pile up on the floor and draw bugs.
I've tried to just grin and bear it, say ok well this is how it's going to be, but more and more I am getting to the point where I don't even want to look at him let alone be around him but I can't get rid of him. Even if I told him to leave I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't and I would have to have the police drag him out in hand cuffs. After that I have no idea what he would do., Probably hang out on my front porch screaming about what a cold hearted bitch I am until I let him back in.
I know there isn't anything anyone can really say or do to help my situation, I just needed to vent for a bit whether anyone reads this or not. I don't have a lot of people that I can talk to about this and he has a habit of reading my journal when I'm not home but I keep my computer password protected so the likeliness of him even knowing about this site is slim to none and I figured it was a safe place to vent.
If you do take the time to read this thank you very much, I appreciate it. Take care everyone and have a great day or night which ever.
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EveAnora
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Husband should have more respect

Post by EveAnora on Wed Apr 26, 2017 1:16 pm

Oh Honey, wow. I can understand how you would stay with him after all that. He is the father of your children and it makes sense that you don't want anything bad to happen to him. You're completely right, you married him so there were feelings for him in the beginning, and more than likely those feelings are still present they have just been over shadowed by the pain and resentment that you feel. Make sure you read my response to your gender roles post, because there is some good advice in that for you. Your relationship with your husband is strained because he's not being a partner to you right now, he's being a burden. You really need to put your foot down and just tell him, this is how it's going to be, you will start helping me or you will find your own place and your own way to support yourself. Unless there is something mentally wrong with him he will most likely get a job if he is forced to but while you are enabling him by allowing him to live there free while you do everything, he's going to keep milking the situation. Stand up to him, stand up for yourself. Insist that its "My way or the High way" if he thinks your serious about kicking him out you may see a huge change in his attitude but he will continue to be a burden for as long as you continue to allow him to be one. Good luck sweety and I hope you take my advice because no one should have to live that way its not healthy for you or your kids.
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Sessy
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Re: Husband needs a brain lift

Post by Sessy on Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:53 am

I actually delta with a similar situation with my kids mother. I worked plus took care of the kids as well as the house. She did nothing really except sleep all day and then most of the night she was out with her friends partying. She flat out did not want our kids and the only reason that she kept them and didn't get an abortion is because she wanted me to continue to support her and give her a place to live. She knew without the kids, I would have thrown her out long ago. I Know its not the same situation as yours but in a way I went through a lot of the same with not having any help and being basically like a single parent with just one huge over sized kid lol I had thought about throwing her out, but I was scared she would take the kids away from me. Of course I would go to court and fight for them but in most cases the courts favor the mother and I know if she did get them it would be to spite me, not because she actually wanted them, and then they would be the ones to suffer. At one point I even hoped that maybe she would develop a bond with the kids and be a better mother but that never happened. She was just selfish and cold hearted. It sucks that you have to live like that and deal with the crap you have to deal with but honestly, if he hasn't changed by now and you've been married how long? 15 years? yeah, he's not going to change hun. either kick him out or just learn to live with it because there is little chance of things getting better for you.


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